A Parent and Caregiver’s Guide to Video Gaming
The video gaming world often represents unknown territory to parents and their attempts to enforce boundaries and limits on their gaming kids typically end in tension and conflict.
The biggest struggles around video games include:
Enforcing Boundaries - Kids can now play practically anywhere on any device.
Violence - According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 85% of video games (even ones rated “E for Everyone”) contain some ability of a player to intentionally harm another player.
Behavior - Video games are designed to light up our brain’s reward centers by offering continuous challenges, giving a little hit of dopamine with every success. If we aren’t careful, this can result in impulsiveness, impatience, and irritability when gaming is interrupted.
Tips to keep the child in your life’s gaming healthy:
#1. Take an interest
Show your kid that you care about their interests and teach them self-regulation at the same time by getting involved.
Ask them to teach you how to use the controllers, and then let them humiliate you at first. Then, practice at it. Ask for tips and advice.
Watch your child interact with others during multiplayer games: Is your teen a leader? A follower? The peacemaker? A team-builder? A strategist? Determining these aspects of their personality might help in discovering other activities at which they might excel.
Ask questions before casting judgments: What do you like best about this game? How do you relate to this character? Is the story realistic or more like fantasy?
#2. Model healthy online habits yourself
Encourage your whole family to prioritize face-to-face communication where possible.
Set up times and spaces where phones, games, and computers don’t enter, and protect them. We can’t convince our kids that there’s value in real-life relationships if we don’t live it out ourselves.
#3. Teach internet safety
Remind your kids to never reveal personal information or any details about themselves or your family to anyone online, not even friends they know, since it is easy for others to listen in.
They should never arrange to meet someone in-person who they first met online without a trusted adult present.
Teens and parents also need to beware of chat in general; even in seemingly innocent games, trolls abound.
#4. Explore places, people and topics related to the games they enjoy
If your teen enjoys a game with a historical or cultural context, go to a museum or check out a library book with information from that era.
If your kid enjoys sports-related games, take them to a real one or buy some gear and learn to play it in your yard.
#5. Create a “no-go” list
“No playing video games in your bedroom.”
“No mature-rated video games in our home.”
“Finish homework and chores before playing any games.”
“If you get so upset with the game that you throw the controller or lose your temper, you must stop playing immediately.”
“When I say ‘get off the game,’ do it without griping.”
When to start worrying or more strongly intervening:
Video games can offer a stress-relief but they can’t substitute for real coping skills. Ensure that your son or daughter is not gaming instead of properly dealing with what’s bothering them: bullying, difficulty making friends or relating to teachers, discipline problems at school, or even emerging mood disorders like anxiety or depression.
Stronger interventions or limits may be in order if your teen:
Seems preoccupied with video gaming—they become distracted or irritable when they aren’t playing, or talk exclusively about gaming.
Plays in secret, lies about their gaming time, hides how much they play, or makes excuses to play longer.
Shows an increase in aggressive behavior or quotes offensive lines learned from a game or a fellow gamer.
Displays a lack of control, i.e., intends to play for 20 minutes but actually plays for hours.
Neglects responsibilities or relationships, including friendships, family gatherings, homework, personal hygiene, or other parts of their lives.
It’s easy for teens and young children to spend too much time playing video games because it’s fun! Sometimes they just need a loving adult to model for and talk with them about how to have a healthy relationship with gaming/technology and not let it take control of their lives.
For video game addiction concerns, click here.