A Parent's Guide to Combatting FOMO
How To Help Kids NOT Be Controlled By FOMO
On the surface, the fear of missing out (FOMO), promises that we will maximize our lives, our fun, our happiness, our coolness because we won’t miss anything—and therefore won’t miss the best. But if we're honest with ourselves. giving into FOMO actually accomplishes the opposite: we’re less happy, full of regret, constantly wishing for more/better, never able to really enjoy anything. We become enslaved to our own fear. Here are 8 steps to help combat FOMO...
#1. Help them do some self-analysis.
Suggest that your kids do a self-evaluation in order to see how bad their FOMO is. Even though FOMO is not currently a diagnosable condition, Forbes Health lists the following symptoms:
Obsessively checking social media to see what others are doing
Experiencing negative feelings when comparing one’s life to what others seem to be doing on social media
Feeling mentally exhausted from social media
Overscheduling (trying to be everywhere at all times)
Withdrawing from others
Feeling physically tired
Feeling sad, anxious or depressed
Difficulty concentrating
Having trouble sleeping
#2. Do your own self-analysis!
We have to be aware of the example we’re setting for our kids. Are we constantly checking our phones? Are we multitasking so much that we’re not giving our kids or other people in our lives our full attention? Are we over-committing to events and responsibilities? How do we handle times when we need to wait and have patience? The more we model healthy behaviors, the easier it will be for our kids to pick up those behaviors.
#3. Fight FOMO with JOMO.
We will actually get more out of life if we embrace the reality that we can’t experience everything, and if we are grateful for what we CAN experience. Some have termed this the "joy of missing out” or JOMO. Rather than looking at missing out as a failure or something to be avoided, JOMO teaches us to accept our reality and learn to revel in the moment. Sometimes the best YES is a NO. Often, a NO can make room for other things.
#4. Talk about Quantity vs. Quality.
FOMO leads to the belief that the quantity of our experiences is much more important than the quality of them. Take time to sit down as a family and look at a calendar. What big things do each of you want to do over the next year? Write them all down, using numbers to indicate order of importance. Then figure out what is feasible to do over the next year and schedule them in. The ones that don’t make the cut this year can just go on the waiting list for the future, giving everyone something to look forward to. The same can be done for the smaller activities as well. But doing it together as a family is important because it teaches everyone (including younger children…and ourselves!) to accept our limits and learn to healthily maximize our time.
#5. Have honest talks about fear.
Simply telling someone to not fear anymore doesn’t usually help. Our kids need help learning to identify their fears (admitting them out loud is powerful!), as well as to recognize when that fear has reared its ugly head and is threatening to take over. Then we need to offer them easy steps to follow in those situations. If they recognize they’re overcommitted because of their FOMO, they need to know they can talk to us about without fear of being judged or criticized. Then we need to teach them how to gracefully and kindly back out of some of their commitments, while also helping them identify activities that truly help them rest and rejuvenate.
#6. Eliminate or limit social media use.
If your kids have a serious dependence on a certain social media platform, help them evaluate why that is and if it might not be better to get rid of it, even if only for a time. Another option is that your kids could move their most-used social apps to the back page of their phones so that they don’t see them immediately upon unlocking them. Other helpful tactics are not charging devices in bedrooms at night, turning off app notifications, only checking apps periodically, and having set screen-free times as a family.
#7. Leave space for changing minds.
It’s possible for us to react so strongly against FOMO that we go too far in the other direction and start believing that it’s wrong and flaky to ever change our minds. In her book Screens & Teens, Dr. Kathy Koch advises parents to let their kids know that it’s okay to change their minds. They should still practice an overall pattern of saying what they mean, of course, but they don’t need live in guilt or fear of ever going back on a decision.
#8. Teach good decision-making.
Parents can help their children by giving them guidance on how to make wise choices. Consider questions such as how the choices will impact them in the long run and how to evaluate preferences against more serious decisions .When it comes to wanting to hang out with their friends but not being able to afford doing so, teach your kids how to stay on a budget and encourage them to be honest with their friends if they can’t afford an activity. In those situations, your kids could suggest a different activity that’s either free or costs less. But if everyone still decides to do the activity, that’s a great time to be extra aware of your teen’s feelings, making sure to praise them for making wise choices and maybe even rewarding them in a small way.
The kids in our lives don’t have to let FOMO control them! With our help, they can learn to rule their fear and really enjoy the experiences they get to have and the people they have the privilege of knowing.
© 2023 Axis
